How to Deal with Losing Friends

Friends make the world go round. Friends are the people who know your deepest, darkest secrets, most embarrassing moments, seen you at your worst & they still continue to associate with you. Friends are the family that you choose. It's pretty difficult when you lose some of your friends & most of the time this can be due to growing apart, toxic friends or death. I'm sure there's a million other reasons why we lose friends, but these are the three that I've come across often. Hopefully these words can help you when you feel like you're starting to lose your friends. :]

Growing apart

Aging, moving, & having different hobbies is a part of life & it's nothing to be ashamed or sad about. Be it in preschool, high school, college or wherever you meet people, you spend a lot of time with them & become really close. Eventually the situation isn't the same & you can't spend the same amount of time with them or things just aren't how they used to be.

When I moved back to San Diego after going to university in Orange County, I lost many friends after a couple years. We lost contact save for the occasional Facebook like. Just remember that some of them will grow apart but some will grow even closer. And that's okay. 

losing friends

Toxic friends

The next friend we tend to lose is the toxic or negative friend. This is the friend who makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you do things you normally wouldn't do or regret, gets you into trouble, & all-around isn't good for you. It may be hard to let them go but you need to do it for yourself.

Would let your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. treat you like crap? Why would you let your 'friend?' Remember friends are the ones who know you at your worst times & try to help you, they don't stomp you down when you're on the ground. Let them go.

Death

Now death is a very difficult way to lose a friend because there's a lasting pain in your heart, much like a splinter that you can't get out. It's perfectly acceptable to be hurt & it's okay to be sad, but don't let it eat away at you. Remember the good times you had -- the memories, the photos that you can look back on, the songs that remind you of them, their favorite cologne or the way they laugh.

Do you think your friend would want you to live in a constant state of sadness & mourning? Doubtful! Enjoy & live the life that they couldn't. Tell their story. Take solace knowing that the reason why they left so soon is because their duties on earth have been fulfilled. You may not know it but one day you'll realize & it'll make so much sense.

It'll be okay in the long run. Remember those friends who've stuck by you through thick & thin. Those are the only friends you need.  Some friends you see all the time. Some friends you see every few years. Some friends you talk to daily. Some friends you can pick up where you left off, even if it's been months or years. Sometimes you only need to have one genuine friend. Have you ever lost a friend? Which one of these scenarios most applies to you? How did you deal with it? :]


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76 comments

  1. What a cool post filled with some sweet insight. I am super shy and always have been so my friends have always been few. At this time in my life I truly have just one and she lives on another continent so we do not get to even cyber talk too much let alone hang. I have always wished for more of a group of friends but A) I am shy and B) Now that I am older finding people that are interesting to me that I might trust is very difficult. I have lost friends, mostly through the drifting away paradigm, but I did have one toxic one and she was very tough to get rid of, like a pest infestation. Thanks for the nice comment on my blog bee tee dub :) Oh and wow you are lovely double bee tee dub :)) xoxo

    All Things Bright and Lovely

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's hard to make friends as an adult, but even if there's 1 or 2 solid friendships, that's enough. Perhaps there are some local events or groups that you can attend & meet like-minded people! :]

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  2. This is such a great post! Thank you!
    Melanie @ meandmr.com

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  3. Great post! Losing a friend is a very tricky subject and can be very emotional, great tips on moving past it.


    I blog here:
    www.lovelifepearls.com
    www.lovelifepearls.com

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  4. loving the post!
    FRIENDS are hard to come by!
    Sabrina | GYPSYTAN.CO
    IG: @gypsytan

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  5. aww what a beautiful post and lovely pictures too.
    www.rumelatheshopaholic.blogspot.com

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  6. Right words - friend are family which we chose. It's really important relation and we have to select carefuly, because toxic friend could make a lot of damage in our live.

    jointyicroissanty

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    1. Indeed, it seems we only realize the friend is toxic once we get a taste of their poison. :p

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  7. Amazing post Carmen - very touching and well written :) I have lost friends all 3 ways and it is important to remember that friendship isn't always like they portray it in the movies...it takes work to maintain a friendship sometimes but a true friend is worth it xx

    Brenda BusyBee

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    Replies
    1. Relationships in general aren't like the movies. It's hard & requires work to maintain, as you said. :]

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  8. Losing a very dear friend to death is the worst kind of feeling because sometime you can never be the same knowing that that friend isn't there anymore. Thanks for sharing this post.

    www.stylenbeautylounge.com

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    1. In an essence, we aren't the same because we lost a part of our heart, but that doesn't mean we can't use the rest of it. Enjoy life for them, with them, because of them. :]

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  9. Great post!
    Friendship is a beautiful and important thing... at the moment my best friend is my mum :-)
    Kisses
    Paola ♡
    PollywoodbyPaolaFratus

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  10. Lovely post.. thanks for sharing


    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves
    ♥♥♥

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  11. I can't even imagine to loose a friend by death! It would hurt so much! I've never experienced that... fortunately! However the other ways to loose one...

    JOURNAL OF STYLE

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  12. Great post. Everything you said is true and I can definitely relate to it.
    http://www.mimosasandme.com

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  13. ive lost some really close friends due to them moving far away and some, we've just grown apart after college but I'm very grateful to those who have stuck by me all these years

    http://www.pinkoolaid.com/

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's interesting to look back on friends over time & see who's still there. :]

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  14. Great post.
    I lost many friends as we are all older and live different lives. But I am actually ok with that, it is all apart of life and whoever is suppose to be in your life will be :)

    Florals&Smiles
    Twitter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Different lives lead to different paths & that's okay. :]

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  15. I've actually had all of those happen, but while growing apart and death can be sad, I honestly felt great about ending toxic friendships. I finally felt like I was in control, you know? Now I certainly have much, much fewer friends, but my oh my the quality is so much better.

    http://aroseisinbloom.blogspot.com/

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    1. Oh yeah. The end of a toxic friendship can be such a relief! :]

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  16. I think losing friends is a part of growing up. It's harsh but it's true. You can be best friends one year and strangers the next, and maybe I'm okay with that but it's always a little sad. You put it really well <3

    xx Bash | Bash Says Hey | bloglovin'

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    1. It's sad but a sad part of life. We can't be BFF's with everyone we ever hung out with. That'd cause even more problems! haha :]

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  17. Awwwwww. this post is so touching. I have lost friends through the 1st and 2nd scenarios but am glad to not have had to experience the 3rd. I don't even know how I would deal with it if it ever happens. Thanks for sharing something so deep.



    http://the-party-dress.com

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    1. And thank YOU for sharing as well. Losing friends in general is tough, no matter the circumstance. :]

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  18. This is a really great post, I think this is something that everyone can relate to in life and it is always nice hearing someone else's perspective on it!

    xxx
    Camilla
    http://avenuecamilla.com

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  19. Very nice post dear!!
    http://fashionwalkinbrussels.blogspot.com/

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  20. What an inspiring post. As someone who has lost many friends over the year, it can be tough. The scenario I experienced most was toxic relationships. Though sadly I have experienced all of these situations. My heart goes out to anyone in that situation. Thank you for sharing and opening up.

    --Sam

    http://www.besosfromamerica.com/

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    1. Somehow toxic friends come into our lives. Just gotta let them go. However, losing a friend to death is just heartbreaking.

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  21. what a great post, I lost three bestfriend because growing apart. she's already married and I am not, she's has a babies and I am not, kind like that. it's very sad but it's so had to talk about same issue if your are different. but I am still talk with them via facebook :)

    xo June
    www.junepaski.com

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    1. That's great! They may grow apart but that doesn't mean anybody did anything wrong. Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. :]

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  22. Such a beautiful post and one that we all can benefit from reading.

    xo

    Michaela


    http://michaelajeanblog.com

    http://www.etsy.com/shop/MichaelaJeanArt

    ReplyDelete
  23. Great post, well written.
    I love the part about toxic friends, it's very important to know who are the people you call friends and how thy affect your life.

    Tanya
    www.stripesnvibes.com
    BlogLovin

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    1. Oh yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize the toxicity of a friend. :\

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  24. I went through this...unfortunately for me it was due to toxic friends. Before I met my husband, money was pretty tight for me, more than half of my pay cheque goes to my condo monthly instalments. I had a best friend or at least I thought she was my best friend and she would take me along her non stop shopping spree. I never cared for her flashing her latest clothes, I was extremely proud to be able to buy my own place by the age 27, our priorities were different. However, when I met my husband, things got better for me and financial got better too. Last I hear, she was bitching and being extremely bitter behind my back, telling everyone who would listen that I am nobody if it wasn't for my husband. It hurts but I guess I finally saw her true colours. :-(

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. Upon reflection you realize that you didn't do anything "wrong" in such a sense. Usually toxic friends have issues in their own life that need resolving, but they take it out on others. :\

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  25. this post is so nice! I had to let go of toxic friends a few times, its hard but extremely necessary! i also move quiet a lot of times and had to let go of friends!
    Love

    Pili

    Records of my Troubles

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    1. Hard but necessary. Excellently put! :]

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  26. It is sad that we have to grow apart but that's how life is. We can't keep on holding on to people who are done with their parts in our story. Death is painful too. I lost a friend 2 years ago and sometimes I still find myself feeling that emptiness.

    We must make the most of our time together with the people in our lives as long as we can.

    Good advice.

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    1. You know, that emptiness is normal & actually a great way to cope. It goes to show that just because they're gone physically doesn't mean they're gone from your heart. :]

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  27. This is I great post. I have gone through each of these scenarios with friends of mine and all you mentioned are quite on point.

    www.maireem.blogspot.com

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  28. This is a very great post, I relate to it a lot because I just recently lost a friend and I know how it feels

    Agnes x

    http://blvckbee.com

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  29. It sucks losing friends, but sometimes it just happens; sometimes you just grow to become different people. It's sad, but it's happened to me. I had a really great friend, but we became too different. Great post!
    ~Sara

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    1. Just like a relationship with a significant other, sometimes we don't like the same things anymore. It sucks but it happens! :p

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  30. Nice post! I'm 22 years old and experience loosing friends from growing apart, staying away because it's already toxic and even from unfortunate accidents. I just say to myself, that it's part of life when growing up :)

    STYLE VANITY

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    1. Totally. It's all a part of life. I doubt anyone could say they've never lost a friend!

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  31. I love this article.
    Actually i've ben going through hard time right now with my friend.
    I'm thinking of letting her go.
    We've been friends for almost 8 years since college but she suddenly fades away.
    I dont know what i do but she simply have her life without me.
    SO sad but true
    XO

    Check my new post.
    The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, ask yourself if this is a friend you want long term. Even if things are rocky now, perhaps grabbing a coffee every few months can help maintain it. :]

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  32. My BFF and I are growing apart and it's SAD but we just have totally different lives now and hang out with different people. It's hard but what can you do! Thanks for writing this post <3

    Tina
    www.justatinabit.com

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    1. It's especially hard when it's your BFF. For instance, my best friend/college roommate & I lived together for 4 years. We've been apart for about 3 years now. We're lucky to see each other once a year, but I still care & love her. :]

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  33. Losing friends is one of the most painful things I had to go through. I still have hard feelings about some of them, but I'm lucky to be surrounded by amazing people that have stood by my side for years now. Great post!


    Fashionably,
    Patricia
    http://www.wingsforliberty.com/

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    1. I have some hard feelings as well but I'm trying to move past it; otherwise I'm being my own toxic friend!! :p

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  34. Such a great post. I've lost a lot of friends over the years, and I've really been thinking about that lately. I imagine what my life would be like if those people were still in my life, and I don't think I would be as happy as I am now. I was surrounded by negative people who just wanted to bring me down... I've learned to let go of people like that and choose my friends wisely.

    simply-mode.com

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    1. For some reason, we don't even realize how toxic a 'friend' is until we're knee deep in their poison. Onward & upward! :]

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  35. I totally agree. For me the biggest change was when I moved to another country/city. You are thinking that you have a lot of friends, but you soon find out that you only have acquaintances and just few friends, which you need to cherish for whole life. You just grow apart, it hurts I know...but it is life :( Kiss,

    Mel
    www.livingoncloude9.com

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    1. Great point, Mel. The friends who are true ought to be cherished. :]

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  36. Nice and insightful post, very helpful! I've definitely grown apart from friends and cut off those that were toxic, I think it's an important way to go through life knowing that people come and go for a reason. :)

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    1. Spot on. Even those toxic friends, I learned something really important! :]

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  37. I hope this blog post helps many people experiencing these things. Thankfully, I've never experienced losing a friend before, though I've had to separate myself from various 'toxic friends' in the past and can confirm your advice is spot on! :)

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice

    x

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  38. Amazing post. For me that's ok when my friend and I don't meet really often like it used to or even for a several time we don't contact each other, but they always be here for me when something seems aint right. I hope this post inspires more people dealing with their friendships things.

    Love
    Marlia

    marliafransiska.blogspot.com

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    1. Exactly Marlia. True friends don't need to spend 100% of their time together; it's so solid you already know. :]

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  39. Really cool and important post. I'm around the same age as you, and it's really crazy how much people can change in their role in your life. You start to realize who supports you no matter what, and who is just waiting to bring their toxic fuel.
    Meg of An Affair of Character

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    1. Once you reach a certain age you start craving TRUE friendships not ones based on attention or popularity or whatever we think when we're younger! :]

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  40. Really enjoyed this post. Fortunately I have never really had any "toxic" friends nor have I lost a friend to death, but there are friends that I have grown apart from. A lot of this is due to moving to another country, making it harder to keep in touch. But, through that, I have kept my close friends. I've never been one to have a lot of friends, because I'm more introverted and not the one to make the first move in a friendship, but the few close friends I have, I cherish, and they understand my true personality. In my adult life I have not made much of an effort to make friends....I don't know if it's the circumstance I am in, or whether making friends is just not as important to me at this point in my life. Having said that, I am going through a difficult time this week with my husband in the hospital, which makes me wish I had made more of an effort make friends here in Argentina and have a community of support.

    http://amateandarottweiler.blogspot.com.ar/

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    1. It's hard to make friends as an adult because we often work & don't have the same amount of time dedicated to social events. Sorry to hear about your hubby! Friends are hard to come by especially after a big move! :\

      Delete
  41. Thank you so much for posting this! ♥ I really liked reading it because I lost a lot of friends especially when I met my (ex) boyfriend in college. The relationship became toxic/unhealthy so I lost a lot of my friends (he made me stay away from them because he's jealous and possessive). I also don't hang out with my high school friends anymore and it also makes me sad sometimes. We never saw each other again ever since we graduated from high school. Now, we don't even talk to each other on Facebook it's a wonder why we're still online friends.

    I don't have any friends whom I lost because of death but I know it's the most painful one because you really can't do anything about it anymore. You can still try to talk to your former friends in the future, but when it comes to the deceased ones, you can't really do anything but to honor their memory. xx

    Roxanne ♥ | Awkward Turtle

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    1. As we age, we start to (hopefully) become aware of those toxic relationships early on & learn to combat it!

      Delete
  42. This post is so helpful and encouraging - I'm really glad that I came across it!
    In the past, I had to deal with quite severe 'toxic friends' which I'm still afflicted with up to this day. Thank you for encouraging others that it's best to simply let those bad influences go! ♥

    http://la-fille-lumineuse.blogspot.de/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just like in Frozen "let it go, let it go!" :]

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  43. This is a really encouraging post, things like this can be so hard and its nice to see you're not alone. Lovely post
    littlemisscazzie.blogspot.com xx

    ReplyDelete
  44. I lost a lot of friends when I moved to another country...and yes it is hard. Sometimes there is no point pretending you're close when you actually are not....and is best just to let go of that person. The same things goes for toxic relationship.

    When a person we loved dies, they are still a part of us. I believe it and it always helps me to deal with the loss. In that way I feel like I didn't lose them completely.

    http://modaodaradosti.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  45. I've had only two friendships (one was an romantic relationship) that I mourned. One was a combination of typical growing pains and life changes, the other was due to immaturity. At the time, I was surprised by how devastating the ending of the friendship was and that a platonic friendship could have such an effect on me.
    I feel is harder to go through friendship-breakups when you're younger because it's the least expected kind of break-up. As an adult, I've been a little more understanding and realistic that people to out grow or change and as a result those connections dissolve. Great topic.
    Texas Jak
    www.novermyhead.com

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  46. Great article! Nice blog you have!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thanks for posting comments on my blog! I just lost 6 of my closest friends in March. It's been rough. They've mostly moved away to other states and one break up. I don't know where in So Cal you live, but if you ever visit Pasadena, let me know :)

    ReplyDelete

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