Friends make the world go round. Friends are the people who know your deepest, darkest secrets, most embarrassing moments. Friends are the people who've seen you at your worst & they still continue to associate with you. Friends are the family that you choose.

It's difficult when you lose some of your friends. There is a range of reasons why we lose friends from growing apart to toxic friends or fake friends to death. Hopefully these words can help you if you feel like you're losing friends. Just know that you're not alone.

Growing Apart

Aging, moving, & having different hobbies is a part of life & it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard to let go. You think of the old days when you met (in preschool, high school, college, yoga class, etc.) & how simple it was back then. Now you have completely separate lives; instead of closeness, you feel the weight of distance. Eventually the situation isn't the same. You can't spend the same amount of time with them or things simply aren't how they used to be.

When I moved back to San Diego after going to university in Orange County, I lost friends after a couple years. We lost contact save for the occasional Facebook like. Our interests, jobs, schedules, time zones, kids, pets, travel, changed over time. Just remember that some will grow apart, but some will grow even closer! Losing friends is hard.

How to deal with losing friends and fake friends

Toxic Friends 

The next friend we tend to lose is the toxic or negative friend. This is the friend who makes you feel bad about yourself. This friend gets you into trouble. This might be a fake friend. Perhaps this friend came with lies, betrayals, & hurt. It may be hard to let them go but do it for yourself. Friends don't treat friends like crap. Remember: friends are the ones who know you at your worst times & try to help you, they don't stomp you down when you're on the ground. Let the toxic friend go.

Death

Death is an absolutely horrific way to lose a friend because there's a lasting pain in your heart, much like a splinter that you can't get out. Remember the good times you had -- the memories, the photos that you can look back on, the songs that remind you of them, their favorite perfume or the way they laugh. 

Mourn them. Love them. Think of them often. Tell their story. Enjoy life. I like to take solace knowing that the reason why they left so soon is because their duties on earth have been fulfilled. I may not know it at the time, but one day I'll understand why, & it'll make so much sense.

Final Thoughts

Remember those friends who've stuck by you through thick & thin. Those are the only friends you need. Some friends you see all the time. Some friends you see every few years. Some friends you talk to daily. Some friends you can pick up where you left off, even if it's been months or years. Sometimes you only need to have one genuine friend. Yes, losing friends can be excruciating. If you have fake friends, it can feel so isolating, but it can often lead to something better, to closer friendships. Have you ever lost a friend? Which one of these scenarios most applies to you? How did you deal with it? 


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