Feeling Comfortable in Your Own Skin / Carmen Varner // Travel Influencer, Blogging Coach, Social Media Consultant


Feeling Comfortable in Your Own Skin

We live in a society where surgery, extreme dieting, & changing our bodies are becoming the norm or at least very prevalent. For some this is the answer to their question, the call to their prayer; that's totally fine. But the issue we face at the end of the day -- with or without makeup, with or without Botox, with or without a body shaper -- is feeling comfortable in our own skin.

Studies show that youth are consistently dissatisfied with their bodies. Adolescent girls want to weigh less while the boys want to be bigger & stronger, according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). Their self-perception is swayed by the media & cultural standards in their search for the perfect body.

Do you feel content with yourself? Your body image? Your personality? Your past? Your goals? Why do you feel that way? Is it because of society & what 'the norm' is? In a world of the perfectly contoured Kardashians, it makes the average woman feel like less. Less glamorous. Less attractive. Less worth. 

Over 50% of teenage girls & one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy behaviors to lose weight such as skipping meals, fasting, & vomiting, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD). That's an astounding number. But when you walk past your favorite store & see a huge ad of a tall, slender, gorgeous woman with a fully toned stomach, it doesn't seem so shocking.

Put down the magazine. Turn off your computer screen (after you finish reading this, of course). Leave your phone at home. Spend some time without the distractions. Reconnect with yourself. We let someone else dictate how we feel about ourselves. We don't want to be pressured into buying some funky suction cup so our lips look bigger. So why do we let it? That's when the light bulb when off. 

Don't. Don't let it. Don't let someone's comment alter how you feel about yourself. Don't let that really famous & hot teenager who has millions of dollars to buy a glam squad make you feel like you aren't amazing. YOU ARE! You're super cool, smart, beautiful, & talented.  

lifestyle blogger

As a fashion & San Diego lifestyle blogger, my world is out there in the open. Everyone has an opinion. Someone commented on my Facebook outfit photo "not on fleek." Initially I was slightly taken aback, but all of a sudden I was riddled with a case of the giggles. It was hilarious to me. Someone took time out of their day to tell me my outfit sucked. 

In this particular case, I had enough confidence in myself & my look to brush it off with a smile. However, there are other instances when I don't feel that way. Sometimes when I post a closeup of my face, I'm self-conscious of pimples or scars. I worry about my toenails not being painted or my feet being too white. I fret about the style of my shirt making me look heavier or if my pants make my hips wider.

But feeling comfortable with yourself begins with you; it starts from deep within. If you love yourself wholly, no amount of airbrushed babes will change that. Obviously, that's the hard part. However, as with anything, practice makes progress. Try, try, then try again.

You are wonderful.
You are intelligent.
You are capable.
You are radiant.

I challenge you to spend 10 minutes with yourself & your thoughts today. No books. No magazines. No internet. No friends. Just you. Alone. With your thoughts. You can meditate or go for a casual stroll around the block. Spend some time being a positive role model for yourself. 

My questions to you are: What's an insecurity of yours & what can you do to make that insecurity into a positive? What are 3 of your best qualities/features? Let's spread positivity & confidence. 

Here are my answers:

  • What's an insecurity of yours & what can you do to make that insecurity into a positive? I'm insecure about my two front teeth as they are slightly crooked & overlap a little. I can turn this into a positive because my teeth actually have nothing to do with me or my personality. I literally have no control over it. Plus, J. Cole & Kirsten Dunst don't have perfectly straight teeth & they lead successful & happy lives.
  • What are 3 of your best qualities/features?
      1. My Persian eyebrows are thick so I rarely have to put any effort into them. Glad strong eyebrows are a thing now because I used to get made fun of for them in high school. 
      2. I get along really well with animals & have a bond with pretty much every one I encounter, such as coaxing a normally anti-social cat to sleep at my feet for 3 nights in a row.
      3. I'm smart. I am not a math whiz by any means, but I read a lot & know a lot of pointless & point-full facts. 

Your turn! :]

Follow me for more food, travel, & the California way of life:
   Bloglovin // Facebook // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

Oh & add me on Snapchat: carmenvarner


  1. This is a great post on a topic that doesn't get talked about enough. We are so wrapped up in the media frenzy that we forget about what's really important. We are fine just the way we are regardless of what tv or magazines tell us. It's so important to try and be happy with the RIGHT NOW and who we really are. Thanks for posting

    1. So so vital. We need to be happy NOW or forever suffer because we want more!

    2. That's so true, and it's so much easier to get caught up in comparing ourselves with others nowadays due to social media. It used to be magazines and television but now it's right at our fingertips: instagram, twitter, snapchat. I too get caught up sometimes, thank you so much for this post!

  2. Beautiful thoughts - it's a good thing that you publicly address this issue on your blog: I'm sure many people are struggling with these things in this social media absorbed world...

    Bold Bliss

    1. Social media obsessed indeed! Let's take a break!

  3. Wonderful post! We all have those moments of blehville. I know I did/do after having a kid. I really love that you posted about this. We are all BEAUTIFUL!

  4. Lovely post!! Such a great writing!!


  5. I completely relate to everything you wrote. I also remember being made fun of for my full brows, and now, the same people that did it are the ones telling me how "amazing my brows are". I always say that trends change, but we don't, we should be, enjoy and enhance ourselves, every one of us is unique and timeless.


    1. Yes! Trends change so we need to accept who we are regardless:]

  6. Carmen, what an amazing post. Thank you for helping us all take a reflective look at our insecurities and our positive attributes. Really appreciate your candid writing. You are a beautiful inside and out!

    Xoxo, Shelly


    1. It's natural to have insecurities but we shouldn't let it overwhelm our lives! :]

  7. so amazing post, my dear! I have enjoining reading :)
    pls like my new page

  8. Lovely post! So sincere and open-hearted! And remember: You're good just the way you are! But seems like you already know that :) And that's good! And thank you for stimulating others to do the same!

  9. Awww that picture with a hat is the cutest thing I have seen in a while! SO PRETTY!

    ♥ Happy Weekend Everyone! ♥


  10. This post, Carmen. You are brilliant.

    I think as someone who has been plagued by insecurities for a really really really really really long time, it's hard to just be able to accept the idea that, if I have the right mentality, I'll be okay, because the roots grounds deeper than this, I believe. It's a sort of fear and sick desire to want to be constantly demotivated just so that we have a reason to be motivated to do certain things; does that make sense or am I full of sh*t?

    Whatever the case, I'm so glad you decide to write this post. Time for some answers.

    1. What's an insecurity of yours & what can you do to make that insecurity into a positive? My weight (surprise). If I were to turn this positive, I'd say be damn glad I've got curves, amiright.

    2. What are 3 of your best qualities/features?

    a. I'm smart (high five?).
    b. I'm extremely good at learning things on my own.
    c. I'm musically talented.

    May | THE MAYDEN

    1. I've always had weight insecurities & somewhat do still, but I am healthy & actually have learned to love the curves that are me. Thanks for reading & participating May! :]

  11. I really like this post! I think it's something most people have struggled with at some point, but we don't often talk about it at the risk of seeming real, and not "perfect".

    My biggest insecurity are my legs. I'm still struggling to turn this into a positive.

    My best qualities and features would probably be my lips, ability to spend time alone and be happy about it, and being driven to get what I want.

    Angelina Is | Bloglovin'

    1. The ability to be alone is an awesome quality to have!! You're gorgeous! :]

  12. I simply loved your post and I am constantly telling nearly the same to people - and last week, a set of 5 bloggers wrote things that were very strong, that they had problems with their weight, nose, etc... and that they were bullied. I wrote to them that by no means they should feel this way - the fashion industry wants people to believe we are wrong, and we are not. We can see, hear, walk, do so many things, and as you said, crooked teeth are what? Just teeth. Who said that to be beautiful they can't be crooked? Who imposed that rule? So well done, you have the right attitude and I really loved your post!!!!! Finally someone with the right approach!

    1. So true! Crooked teeth don't alter my personality. Just take those insecurities & throw the away. They're self-made! :]

  13. Great post ,very true we constantly under pressure to conform to society standards of beauty


  14. I love, love, LOVE this post!
    And FYI, your eyebrows are ALWAYS on point :)

    Allie | RainyAllie

  15. As a woman, we should accept whatever flaws we have because that one differentiate us from others.
    We become unique individuals because of this amazing features
    I love this inspiring post

    The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin | Snapchat: bandwagonchic

  16. The media is our worst enemy and our best friend. Personally, I feel that you can't win as the audiences will absorb the images and content differently. For me, as the stereotypical girl with self-confidence issues I am now stuck trying to be somewhere between a size 0 and having the curves of kimmy k!

    Marina | Marina-Simone

    1. Haha valid point. We kind of just need to brush it off & move on. :]

  17. True that !! You shouldn't let the society get the better of you. It's best not to pay any heed towards what the society thinks

    Style..A Pastiche! - Indian Fashion & Lifestyle Blog

    1. The most important opinion is the value we have of our ourselves:]

  18. aww such an inspiring and uplifting post.
    Definitely in need of this. Love <3

    Visit Valencialala.blogspot.com
    Shop @vanitygoods

  19. Nicee!!

  20. very empowering post! I am glad you are able to turn your personal 'imperfections' into positives <3


  21. Very nice. Would love it if you could check out my newly launched Holiday Style Diary!
    Kisses xo | From Aliona With Love 

  22. Great post!

    I, personally, struggle with this. I am a bit heavier (my BMI is still in the healthy zone, though) and I absolutely hate shopping. The stores cater only to one type of body - the fit and slender. It's such a crushing feeling when you like something and go to try it on only for it not to fit, or for you to look like a sausage in it.

    I have never gone down the unhealthy weight loss route - I just love food to much. What I do is punish myself, my thoughts run rampant and sometimes I can convince myself that I am the ugliest person on the planet and that no one will ever like or love me because of that.

    Unfortunately, my self-image has stunted my social development as I never go out and hardly have any friends. I have also realized that I resent my cousins (whom I live with while at uni) because they are so slim and look great in anything.

    I actually almost let this get between us. A stupid, irrelevant societal preference. Because that's what it is - it's not a norm by any stretch of the imagination. We all look at these toned and perfectly dressed celebs, with professionally done make up and compare ourselves to them. What we always seem to forget is that they are not the norm - they are not like us. They have so many people working on their appearance it's ridiculous. Looking like that is a part of their job - and therefore it cannot and should not be applied to us.

    I hope that we all (including myself) realize that we are not robots - we cannot all look the same. Everyone should strive to be the best version of themselves (in order to be healthy and happy, not for someone to like them because that is not healthy, either) and to be a carbon-copy of a photoshopped celebrity. Sometimes, they don't even look like themselves (when we compare it's away in their glam edition, never the makeup-less grocery shopping photos).

    Well, that was long, but I just had to get it out there. Again, great post and really though-provoking ideas.

    Milka | ✿ oohbelle ✿

  23. What a great positive post. Love it :)


  24. It's really a serious problem that continues. I use to be that way, but not anymore. We have to help and encourage each other.

  25. This is a powerful post, I agree that the media is something that puts pressure on the youth of the day! People should learn to love there imperfections! 😊

    Sonam -http://fashtasticflare.blogspot.co.uk/

  26. Amen to self love and being who YOU want to be!!!


  27. This is a really great post and the little exercise at the end is definitely worth doing. I'm going to save this for future reference - Thanks so much for sharing! :)

    ♡ Emily from Trendpill x

  28. So gorgeous you!!! Lovely blog!

  29. Love this post! Social media too, with everyone posting edited, filtered, flawless pics of themselves, I hope it all dies down soon haha

    My Blog Amali Muses

  30. Awesome post,since I'm way older than you,my focus is geared toward my kids and their college funds,I still don't like my nose and flabby abs,that's why I already had tummy tuck and nose job done in MY BRAIN,but will never spend money to do that,or maybe if i win the lottery haha,but no imperfection stops me from blogging specially from flaunting my vitiligo,I have truely embraced me and everything I am with.
    Thanx for visiting my blog.Thanx for writing this post.
    xoxo Bing.

  31. Really lovely post!It's just so crazy that we all struggle at times to value ourselves,when at the same time we ask others to do so!
    Great! (:


  32. This is a great post and topic, it's something I have also been trying to write about recently too. Very well worded :)


Thanks for reading & writing. :] // ▲


© Carmen Varner // Travel Influencer, Blogging Coach, Social Media Consultant • Theme by Maira G.