I'm writing this on my cracked iPhone as I ride the metro from Poble Sec to Mundet. I'm in Barcelona, Spain. It's my first time here. It's October but the temperatures remind me of San Diego. I'm happy & unhappy simultaneously. 

I'm writing to pass the time. I can’t help but feel turned around, as though my navigation is completely askew. Where is my compass? Where is my internal guide? Perhaps I haven’t been listening. I take things too much to heart. I think about scenarios that don’t exist. I crave friendship & connection but am horrible at executing it myself. I prefer online community & communication. I have to write in order to understand myself & my feelings. 


I’ve been lost because I haven’t spoken to myself. I am a person. I can have a relationship with myself. I should have a relationship with myself. Who am I? What do I like? How would I describe myself? What do I want?

I need to be my own best friend, my biggest supporter. I need to quit holding myself back, quit critiquing my every move. If my friend did that to me, they would be a crappy friend. Am I being a bad friend to myself?

Shouldn’t I be best friends with myself? Shouldn’t I have more faith in myself? Shouldn’t I care more about myself? Shouldn’t I be a better friend to myself? Shouldn’t I communicate with myself, understand who I am, what I want, what I like? Just like I’d get to know any human. It’s time to stop second-guessing every choice. It’s time to stop tallying, counting, take note. It’s time to do. It’s time to take action. It’s time to live.

I deserve a good relationship with others but it starts with me. If I were to name my 5 best friends, I wouldn't be on the list. This needs to change. I need to be my own best friend.

What are your thoughts on this mental health & self-care subject? Leave a comment & tell me a bit about yourself!