Nevermore

by Carmen Varner

"Honey," she told me. "That's no fun.

Take a seat in the hot, hot sun."

I told her yes and went outside,

where there's no place for me to hide.

My feelings for you just won't go.

It seems that time has made them grow.

I wonder why, I wonder when,

you'll say you want me back again.

"A great day to write, isn't it?

At least life has no speed limit,"

a guy told me as he walked by.

I nodded and tried not to cry,

tears of sadness or tears of joy.

All of this is about one boy.

I told myself to stop this shame.

Nevermore will I say his name.

Lonely, lonely, alone, alone.

By now, this fact should be well known.

I thumbed through the petite notebook. It was slightly larger than a deck of cards, but its contents were infinitely greater. The cover included an illustration of a sleepy looking bear with a blue polka dotted nightcap. A dash of Japanese writing accompanied the tired cartoon; the language appeared so foreign in my English-reading brain. However, the outside is unimportant. It's the inside that counts.

Within this little collection of papers was seven days of fluid creativity, thorough inspiration. When I wrote what I wrote within the tiny lined pages of the notebook, I had no idea its words would continue to haunt me 171 days later.

I read through each page. I was searching for something. I became so lost in my own memory that I had forgotten my goal. I remembered when I looked up.

"So which one are you going to choose?" asked my friend, Chandra, as she hovered over me. Her eyes darted from the notebook to me. 

Oh right, I thought. I was supposed to decide what I wanted to perform for my theatre class.

"Um, I don't know," I replied, lost in thought.

"I'll help!," she exclaimed and ripped it from my hands. Chandra flipped through and landed on a page. She cleared her throat dramatically and began reading.

"I'm all the way over here. At this precise moment I think of you. I wonder if I cross your mind. Probably not. Should I forget you? I would if I could. Is there some magic potion to erase this feeling? I wouldn't want to do that because you make me feel so much."

I cringed. Man, it was terrible to have to hear that read out loud, especially by a voice other than my own. I had already lived through that instant when I wrote it, I didn't need it echoed by my enthusiastic friend. That's the one part I tried to skip. Did she have to read that one?

"Is this about Bud?" Chandra inquired. 

"No," I laughed. Her question truly was humorous. It most definitely was not about Bud. I didn't care about him that much to write about him. Not now. Not ever. This was about someone entirely else.

Chandra fingered through a few more pages and cleared her throat once more.

"I thought of you again. Thankfully this distance has kept me busy. I think of you less. I don't know what to do with this feeling. Shall I sweep it under the rug? Should I move on to someone else? Because I don't think you feel what I feel and it becomes more and more apparent. 

Time seems to move on sluggishly. As of now you are not forgotten, but things change. Life will continue. I'll go back to the daily grind and I will not wait for you like a puppy. I've done it before and I vowed to never do it again. I'm doing it now, but I won't allow it to continue. 

The issue is finding someone to replace you, as you have a very large part of my heart. Luckily, I'm a master of unattachment. I want you right now, but I don't want someone who doesn't want me. 

By the time you realize, it may be too late. It's your loss. They always say that, but I believe it. You may not, however. Because if you did, you'd want me too. I wish I could verbalize all this but I can't in fear of utter rejection, of a change in our relationship. 

I don't know what to do anymore. It's borderline unbearable. This gives me plenty to write about, but even more to think about. Slowly but surely, I'll continue on. All these words seem so small in the big picture. Are we even a good match? I don't know."

No, those words could never be about Bud. Though Bud was my present, he could never compete with my past. I didn't say anything. Chandra didn't either. I was completely mortified. My thoughts, though several months old, were lying naked and vulnerable in Chandra's hands.

I decided to break the silence.

"I'll probably go with the thing I wrote about my spiritual enlightenment instead," I told her.

Where is the love?

I am exhausted from the killing.

White flag.

White dove.

Is anybody willing

to commit to peace

instead of murder?

When I come up with easy cheap vegetarian recipes, it usually involves me opening the fridge, seeing what's in there, then mixing random ingredients. This is a classic example. I've been purchasing an abundance of fresh produce these days, so I have to use them up before they go bad. This recipe is somewhat similar to Soyrizo Surprize, but has a lot more veggies. The more the merrier though, am I right? 

Well, this scrumptious Carmen Varner concoction contains six, you heard me, six veggies. That's almost one's entire daily recommended intake of vegetables. Say what?! It's insanely easy to eat healthy when it tastes so darn good and fills you up for hours. Here you go! Try this easy cheap vegetarian recipe yourself.

1 zucchini

1 green bell pepper

2 cups spinach

1/2 onion

1. Chop up all ingredients. Heat a pan on the stove. Add olive oil.
2. Add chopped potato and onion. These take longer to cook thoroughly.
3. Once the potato/onion mix begins to look cooked or starts to brown, add green beans.
4. Once the green beans begin to brown, add zucchini and yellow squash. Since there's a plethora of veggies, this part takes 10-15 minutes for everything to cook. But it condenses greatly. 
5. Once the zucchini/yellow squash is soft, add bell pepper. Cooking tip: How do you know if it's soft? Answer: Taste it.
6. Now add in your spinach. It looks massive at first, but spinach shrinks into an itty bitty little thing.
7. After the spinach is all shriveled and shrunken, add in your soy chorizo. The chorizo itself takes hardly any time to cook.

Before we get started, Brussels sprouts contain protein, fiber, potassium, vitamin C, vitamin A, & folate. All of which are necessary daily nutrients. I've heard so many references about Brussels sprouts being disgusting, but they're not at all as gross as one would assume. Add them to any meal to create a healthy vegetarian recipe.

Step 2: Cut Brussels sprouts in half.

Step 3: Add olive oil, salt, & pepper. Bake for 20 minutes at 375 degrees or until outermost layer starts to brown.

That's pretty much it. This is simple & it tastes scrumptious. Make these for an easy cheap healthy vegetarian recipe for one or for all! Alternatively, you may add garlic salt, rosemary, vegan butter, or other spices if you so wish. This is a basic template to get your Brussels sprout taste buds flowing. Go out to the store, pick out a few good looking sprouts, & get to cooking! 

Bon appétit!

July 2, 2010

Today we had breakfast then started our day. We went to the National Archaeological Museum; there were ancient Greek things--statues, pottery, even a skeleton. To be honest, it definitely wasn't the most exciting museum I've been to. My favorite parts were the jewelry. I wish they were mine. We had spanikopita for lunch. We walked toward downtown where all the tour shops are. We hopped into a place that formerly was a post office and at one point someone's house. It was lovely.

Since it was 1,000 degrees out, we barely did anything before we stopped for an ice cream break. At least it cooled me off. By this time we had to head back to my uncle's apartment, as they invited some people over for dinner. There was so much food. Greece has been relatively low key, we spend a lot of time in the house.

July 3, 2010

Today was a good day, I finally felt like I did something worthwhile. I went to the Acropolis, which consisted of the Roman Agora, Ancient Agora, and the Parthenon. I simply loved it. We got off to a late start, but when we got out, it started raining...I mean pouring. But it only lasted about 15 minutes.